Closed door

An empty feeling is scary. It would be bad if you decided to think that was the worse ever. It is right as the world scream out loud it’s right, as it should be that way. A human with thoughts and feelings is scary. Robots on the other hand is an easy piece with complicatedly structured fractions that make a robot robot. I see myself turns black and white and switching faces as great as everybody can see me as it’s who I am. It’s also right. It’s also me. But not me in the moment that I’m down. I hate the word hate but its extremity is exactly how terrible I feel about myself. I gradually practicing the habit of forgetting things. At first, it’s hard. I got stress easily because I want to balance out my fuckin emotions. I want to reach the stage of “0”, where nothing means none. Then, I recently found out I could actually let memories and things go to the world of the none. Ah, it feel great, or isnt it? Am I developing Alzheimer’s disease? Ha… this is complicated. My dad-figure said it is the sign of happiness. Yeah I believe him, so I believe in that theory. I accept it and I’m the happy person. Speaking about it, that is good for me to believe in that way too. Therefore, enough data to categorize it to the “right” box.

if one day things don’t turn out the way I used to believe in, that shit ain’t fun. I’m flying under the blue sky pretend like I’m the most skilled bird while I’m just a fucking human with limbs and flesh. Ha… got hair but not enough to qualify a birdy standard. Shame on me.! But I will just flipthe page cause he said, whatever the yesterday me did, it would need to take responsibility, I am, the one of tomorrow has nothing to do with those shits. Ah ha… how convenient! I got too much things going on in my head that slowly fade to nothing. The “none” stage just take its first tick. And if one day I have noone surround, maybe there is no face available to switch up or you get tired of my freak self. No idea. I’m scary. Yes, I am.  I should go to hell for the cleaner world. Ha.. fool you, I’m still alive. What’s next?!

 

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Mạn Châu Sa Hoa

“Mạn Châu Sa Hoa hay Bỉ Ngạn hoa, sự dịu dàng của ác ma

Bỉ Ngạn là đóa hoa trong truyền thuyết tình nguyện đi vào địa ngục, bị chúng ma quỷ bắt quay về nhưng vẫn ngập ngừng trên con đường Hoàng Tuyền, chúng ma quỷ không nhịn được nên đều đồng ý cho nàng nở trên con đường này, cho những linh hồn đã rời khỏi nhân giới có một sự chỉ dẫn và an ủi.

Bỉ Ngạn hoa nở ở bờ bên kia thế giới, chỉ là một khối đỏ rực như lửa; hoa nở không lá, lá mọc không hoa; cùng nhớ cùng thương nhưng không được gặp lại, chỉ có thể một thân một mình ở trên đường cực lạc.

Hoa lá không bao giờ gặp gỡ, đời đời dở lỡ. Bởi vậy mấy có cách nói: ”Bỉ Ngạn hoa nở nơi Bỉ Ngạn, chỉ thấy hoa, không thấy lá”. Nhớ nhau thương nhau nhưng vĩnh viễn mất nhau, cứ như thế luân hồi hoa và lá không bao giờ nhìn thấy nhau, cũng có ý nghĩa là mối tình đau thương vĩnh viễn không thể gặp gỡ. Cũng vì thế mà người ta dùng nó để làm ví dụ cho những chuyện tình không có kết quả

Trong Phật kinh có ghi “Bỉ Ngạn hoa, một nghìn năm hoa nở, một nghìn năm hoa tàn, hoa diệp vĩnh bất tương kiến. Tình bất vi nhân quả, duyên chú định sinh tử.” (Bỉ Ngạn hoa, một nghìn năm hoa nở, một nghìn năm hoa tàn, hoa và lá mãi không gặp mặt. Tình không vì nhân quả, duyên đã định sống chết.)”

Hoa khai vô lá, duyên không phận,

Hận hận, ái ái, mãi vấn vương

Hoàng Tuyền cô độc mình ta bước

Bỉ Ngạn trường sinh, bất tương phùng.

 

Favourite & Duplcating

I am the type that want to blend with the world while keeping my own zone safe and sound from others.

And that people tend to see me repeat / duplicate their style, their way of talking, their hobbies, their professionals, etc with a great number of times until it slowly become my things.

I find that I can understand the person more If I’m in their shoes for an appropriate feedback. I admit I am influenced by surroundings which I’m surprised that I have some weird abilities to do things in certain cases, which I won’t be able to do it myself without duplicating somebody else in the past.

I sometimes write random shit but also post those everywhere… Today, I will repeat dark lean meat’s writing blog hobby. It shall start now…

Even though works are pilling up but no passion for work just eliminate the energy to travel to the brain to focus on work. I usually take a ride to the imagination world where I have super power and conquer the world with a blade on my hand and ride a phoenix to places. That almost once turn to the tattoo somewhere on my fats, but I changed my mind when I saw the huge line at the tattoo workshop. Phew!!!

From that point on, I said to myself until I break my first tattoo with my first child’s name, I will consider to do a firing phoenix flying up to the sky from the burning lotus. Way too fancy for the idea but its my own world anw.

A little surprise for me today that its more than just the chocolate but the effort to make it to my place. I’m touched and feel warm and full… just that I’m sold. Thank you!